Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Hello Old Friend-

Ive recently had the hankering to write. Im not sure why really, I believe it started with having one day last week that I felt like good mom. Just moments really, not an entire day, but for many moments on one day last week I had several good mom moments. I spent time with my babies. I read with them, and played candy land with them. I did science experiments with my handsome 5 year old. It was a good day. Most days I feel more guilt for lack of progress then actual progress. I read blogs of moms my age where they show off adorable homes, kids, and wardrobes, or perfect finance practices or beautiful bodies, with great ideas on eating perfectly healthy with great workout routines, and most days I actually believe that all these women's lives are perfect. I kinda feel that way today, but deep down, I know, like me, they have their rough moments, but no one show those. I mean, it's mentioned in casual passing between all the perfect moments shown, but my reality is that those perfect moments are the ones that are brief- those are the ones that are mentioned in casual passing between all the rough moments. I seem to have it backwards in life. I am not a pessimist though. In fact I am very happy, and have a very blessed life. I am married to a wonderful man who adores his children and me- we have a darling home, and health on our side. Aside from all the wonderful, each day is filled with guilt, sticky fingers, multiple outfit changes, sticky floors, tantrums, terrible cooking, "NO!'s", wet, moldy laundry and more- I dont love every moment of it like mothers seem to claim, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I am grateful, most days, maybe more then half, to be home raising these incredible, and naughty, at times, children that I brought into this world, and the point of my writing tonight is that I am grateful for the good mom moments I have, because the truth is, I feel like I am so hard on my babies. I forget sometimes that they are just 1 and 5, and my expectations of them need to fit their ages, and not mine. I need to not wish time away, but rather, enjoy playing candy land for the umpteenth time in one day. I love my babies. I love my home, and my sweet, hardworking, talented husband- I hate that I feel so guilty, and I hate that Im not a great cook, but as my mom would say it- if those are my biggest problems in life, I have a lot to be grateful for. Here's to more messes tomorrow. May heaven help me-